I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
