Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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