So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
