Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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