1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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