I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
