Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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