I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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