You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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