I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize