I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
