let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
