Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
