I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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