its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
