Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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