Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
