Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
