I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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