Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
