My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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