This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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