I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
