Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
