It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
