Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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