Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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