saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
