I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
