Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
