I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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