hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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