Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
