this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
