jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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