Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
