That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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