Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
