Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
