FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
