Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
