my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
