it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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