The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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