And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
