wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
