my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
