I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
