I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
