running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
