i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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