first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
