I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
