I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize