god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
