The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
