Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
