i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
