i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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