i think i scared a bird with my dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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