I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
