fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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