Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I party with great urgency now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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