I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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