I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
