Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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