I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
