he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
