Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
