You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
