i just google imaged poop.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
