Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
