I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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