i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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