i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
