the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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