if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
