I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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