This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
