I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
