im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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