Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
