omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
