just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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