sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
